Downtime Bliss
My head’s been spinnin for the past couple of weeks now being back in my world called school. Seeing the walls painted that horrid shade of blue doesn’t help settle my brain either. And I won’t even get started on those pink drapes in the lib!!! Ugh.
It’s always difficult getting your groove back. But with all the things that have been happening in my life lately, I guess it just made things a tad more difficult.
This afternoon, I had that extremely precious thing called time; so I decided to just go home and chill.
No such thing as arteries, surgical resection and psychosis this afternoon. No worries about thinking and "getting along" and being assailed with everything and everyone. I was in my own little bubble, and boy was it bliss.
In my world, there’s no one but me and sugar waxes. In my world, nothing and no one else matters but me and my car. In my world, my only concern is toasting bread perfectly. In my world, it doesn’t matter if I’m too lazy to warm the cheddar. In my world, the outside world doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion that becomes real only when necessary.
For the first time in a long while, I felt free. I was free in the small confines of the plane of space that I defined as mine.There were no epiphanies. Nothing earthshakingly wonderful happened. Fairies didn’t work their magic. None of my wild dreams came true this afternoon.
This afternoon, as soon as I settled home, I STARTED BREATHING AGAIN. I wasn’t stifled by the confines of school, or worried about being a person that I’m not or living up to expectations. In the down time I had with myself, I was able to say, to heck with it all. I am going to enjoy me. I’m throwing my worries to the wind. I’ll start living again.
And in the midst of it all, I hope to find balance. And escape. And peace. And bliss. In this escape I’ve created for myself, I’m hoping to rediscover myself.
June 24th, 2005 at 11:15 pm
yeahhhh babbbyyY!! hope i had one of ‘em downtime bliss as well… =)