grazia

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My head’s been spinnin for the past couple of weeks now being back in my world called school. Seeing the walls painted that horrid shade of blue doesn’t help settle my brain either. And I won’t even get started on those pink drapes in the lib!!! Ugh.

It’s always difficult getting your groove back. But with all the things that have been happening in my life lately, I guess it just made things  a tad more difficult.

This afternoon, I had that extremely precious thing called time; so I decided to just go home and chill.

No such thing as arteries, surgical resection and psychosis this afternoon. No worries about thinking and "getting along" and being assailed with everything and everyone. I was in my own little bubble, and boy was it bliss.

In my world, there’s no one but me and sugar waxes. In my world, nothing and no one else matters but me and my car. In my world, my only concern is toasting bread perfectly. In my world, it doesn’t matter if I’m too lazy to warm the cheddar. In my world, the outside world doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion that becomes real only when necessary.

For the first time in a long while, I felt free. I was free in the small confines of the plane of space that I defined as mine.There were no epiphanies. Nothing earthshakingly wonderful happened. Fairies didn’t work their magic. None of my wild dreams came true this afternoon.

This afternoon, as soon as I settled home, I STARTED BREATHING AGAIN. I wasn’t stifled by the confines of school, or worried about being a person that I’m not or living up to expectations. In the down time I had with myself, I was able to say, to heck with it all. I am going to enjoy me. I’m throwing my worries to the wind. I’ll start living again.

And in the midst of it all, I hope to find balance. And escape. And peace. And bliss. In this escape I’ve created for myself, I’m hoping to rediscover myself.

Grazia is the Italian word for grace. Grace encompasses time. It makes a person beautiful. It’s what gives life meaning. It is one of God’s greatest expressions of love for us. It is but one of the multitude of ways that God loves us, and yet this singular gift is always enough.

I’ve been having this desire for this one pure and magnificent thing lately. I need it. I want it. I’ve got to have it. But then I realize that grace comes to us everyday.

What is required for grace to become alive in us is an emptying of one’s self. So that God may be able to do His work; for grace to be able to work its magic. The emptying part is difficult. It requires a redefining of values and attitudes. Things, people and ideas you’ve held dear for the past how many years that are preventing you from receiving grace must take a backseat. It requires grit and determination. It demands you to take a long hard look at the mirror and see you for who you are right at that very moment. Scars and all. Flaws and all. Hurt and all. Weaknesses and all. Ugliness and all. It asks of us to say I’m giving up God. You do your work.

But grace is so sweet that the sacrifice of having yourself remolded and remade by our Maker is worth it. The promises of God are too beautiful that one can’t help but say, alright God, although it scares the heck out of me, I trust you. You take hold of my life. Remake me my Maker. I’m yours.

For grace fills the empty vessel that I’ve become as I’ve emptied my life to Christ and His plans. Grace is able to heal when you’ve given up. Grace is alive when you trust God TRULY, ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY. Grace comes to fulfillment when you believe.

Grace makes things beautiful. Grace makes life beautiful. Grace makes you beautiful.

God is beautiful. He is my beauty and grace.