Zen Shmen

October 14th, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

Havin problems with my blogspot journal, so I’ll just be writing down my thoughts here.

Things are simple and quiet, and I’m actually liking it. I don’t know if this is a sign of growing old or my goodness maturity! *Gasp* But I’m seriously enjoying spending quiet time with myself.

Was suppose to vacation with my crazy cousins in Korea, but because MY semestral break’s so short, I decided to just stay home and soak up the silence.

And now I finally have the time to do the things I love most- write, read, think, talk to God, think some more. Silence is bliss. Having enough free time to be silent is greater than bliss.

                                                 *-*-*

Oh yeah, and to add to my state of bliss, I got a radically fab jacket at Mango awhile ago that was an absolute bargain! Watch me, I’m doing cartwheels! :)

New blog

July 11th, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

New blog:  http://ninsparkle.blogspot.com

We’re Just Friends!

July 5th, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

Pardon the "showbiz"
title. But if I got paid twenty bucks for each time  someone would ask me
if my best guy friend Mark was my boyfriend, I’d be a multi millionaire by now.

So we hang out alot. Big deal. That’s what friends do. People- family, friends,
people I’ve just met for the first time just feel the compulsion to ask this
question at one point or another. My family asked me this when they started
seeing Mark around the house alot. One of my titos asked me this because everytime
he’d see me at the mall, Mark would be with me. I remember Iris asking me this
during our orientation in Med school. And Peachy told me that the reason why
she kept her distance from Mark initially, was because there were rumors going
around class that there was somethig going on between Mark and me. And again
and again, I’d proudly answer, in the most showbiz way I can, with my showbiz
smile, "we’re just friends!" Then comes the follow- up quetion,
"why are you JUST FRIENDS?" And my answer, "why not?"
Everyone needs one really good friend of the oppposite sex. And that person for
me is Mark, thanks very much.

Why didn’t we ever become more than friends? I don’t know. Maybe it was that
really creepy duffel bag he used to lug around with him all the time during our
first few days in college. Maybe it’s his hair. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve
seen/ heard/ smelled him fart way too many times. Maybe it’s because he used to
dig my sis…never mind. :D Maybe it’s because he likes tall, leggy girls.
Maybe it’s because when I see him, I don’t see a guy. I see Mark. And when he
sees me, he sees Nina. His and Peachy’s answer to why it’s ok for us to hang
out even when Peachy’s not around, "eh si Nina ‘yan eh." Gee, thanks
Mark, you make me feel sooooo much like a lady! Or maybe it’s because he’s
already perfect as just a friend. The same way that I’m already perfect as just
a friend to him.

Whatever the reason is, I’ve always been grateful to have a friend like him in
my life. I mean who else would:

  • go Rich
         hunting with me? (read: watch even EXHIBITION/ NO BEARING GAMES of Ateneo)
  • watch
         concerts with me and then treat me to really fancy dinners after?
  • drive me
         around town without my asking?
  • go out of
         his way to fetch me and my best friend from Rustan’s and offer to drive us
         to Marconi just so that I could find a grad dress with me ending up not
         buying anything from Marconi, and finding myself the following day back in
         Rustan’s deciding to get my dress from there.
  • reserve
         parking space for me?
  • let me
         drive his car when I was just starting to drive?
  • fetch me
         from QC, fetch a friend of mine from Alabang, party in

    Makati

    , bring my friend back home and
         then bring me home?

  • in his
         words, "spend every single weekend in a gargantuan establishment
         whose main purpose is to provide refuge to aimless loafs like us."?
  • say,
         "Nina, you’re pretty!" in a very matter- of- fact no bullshit
         manner.?
  • laugh at
         people who drank the beer they brought from home at the Fat Willy’s
         Parking lot?
  • study
         tennis with me?
  • sit on the
         sidewalk with me and eat Haagen Dazs while everyone else has gone
         drinking?

In Mark I
have a friend who tries with all his might, in his own weird way, to make me
feel better (even if he refuses to hug me. OK lang, mabaho ka naman. Joke
lang.) when I’m down. Mark’s the friend who I know would get out of bed at
three a.m. to help out a buddy. He’s the confidant, who when I used to whine to
him about why I stll didn’t have a boyfriend, would say, "Nins, it’s not
the quantity. It’s the quality. And then to emphasize his point, bring up some
friend and her current significant other and remind me that’s it’s best to wait
for THE BEST.

He’s the kind of friend who’d give you his Hugo Boss- scented towel when you
get drenched during a boat ride. He’s the kind of friend who’d share his roll
of film with you when you’ve forgotten your own camera on an out of town trip.
He’s the friend who buys the hard bound edition of a book for a friend just
because he knows you’ve wanted to read it for the longest time but were too
cheap to get it yourself. He’s the friend who’s genuinely intetrested in your
family. He’s the friend who buys you crepes by the beach for breakfast. He’s
the friend you share gelattos with, while enjoying the late morning sun, making
you realize that you’re lucky to have a friend like him.

Our friendship is defined by the multitude of restaurants we’ve pigged out in,
by videoke sessions and driving around in his car. It’s defined by soda parlors
named Rainbow Pop, breaking his car window with a rock, Post- its left on my
car window and shopping ’til we bore holes in our pockets.

I came across one of those survey/ slambook thingies sent through email that
you send out to your friends for them to answer about you. I sent one of em
things to Mark in the early years of our friendship, and one of the questions
in that particular survey was, "would you ever kiss the person who sent
this to you?" And Mark’s reply was, "why not?" I don’t know if
he was just being polite, or if ehem, he had really good taste then. But I’m
sure if he only knew how close a friend he was going to be to me, I’m sooo sure
he’d answer differently. Haha! Coz Mark is more than just a friend. He’s like a
brother. A gross older brother. He watches over me in his own strange way and
let’s me experience life with my knowing that he’ll always be there to make the
experience more fun. He gives me the guy’s perspective on things. He listens to
me, and makes me know that he’s got me covered, no matter what.

My friendship with Mark has given me this realization…that I deserve nothing
but the best. For Mark has given me the best in everything in all our years of
friendship. And in all our years as buddies, I got the best guy friend any girl
could ask for.

The only other guy I’m going to be bestfriends with is the guy I’m giving my
heart to. The guy who’s going to be my boyfriend. The guy I’m marrying. And I
pray, no I’ll make sure that whoever that guy is would get along with my best
guy bud/ gross older brother Mark. They don’t have to be best friends. He should
just be able to stand Mark.

When someone once asked me if I ever considered the possibility of Mark being
more than just a friend to me, I admitted that at one point, when people were
bugging me about the status of my relationship with him, I got paranoid and
asked myself that question. Then I looked over at Mark, and I saw him driving,
stepping on the pedal without his shoes on. Read: with his bare feet!! And it
was then that I knew that we’d always be just buddies. And we’re happy just the
way we are- being nothing but platonic, sharing nothing but brotherly love,
being just friends.

 

Movin

June 22nd, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

This blog has moved to a new site. :)

Downtime Bliss

June 20th, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

My head’s been spinnin for the past couple of weeks now being back in my world called school. Seeing the walls painted that horrid shade of blue doesn’t help settle my brain either. And I won’t even get started on those pink drapes in the lib!!! Ugh.


It’s always difficult getting your groove back. But with all the things that have been happening in my life lately, I guess it just made things  a tad more difficult.

This afternoon, I had that extremely precious thing called time; so I decided to just go home and chill.

No such thing as arteries, surgical resection and psychosis this afternoon. No worries about thinking and "getting along" and being assailed with everything and everyone. I was in my own little bubble, and boy was it bliss.

In my world, there’s no one but me and sugar waxes. In my world, nothing and no one else matters but me and my car. In my world, my only concern is toasting bread perfectly. In my world, it doesn’t matter if I’m too lazy to warm the cheddar. In my world, the outside world doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion that becomes real only when necessary.

For the first time in a long while, I felt free. I was free in the small confines of the plane of space that I defined as mine.There were no epiphanies. Nothing earthshakingly wonderful happened. Fairies didn’t work their magic. None of my wild dreams came true this afternoon.

This afternoon, as soon as I settled home, I STARTED BREATHING AGAIN. I wasn’t stifled by the confines of school, or worried about being a person that I’m not or living up to expectations. In the down time I had with myself, I was able to say, to heck with it all. I am going to enjoy me. I’m throwing my worries to the wind. I’ll start living again.

And in the midst of it all, I hope to find balance. And escape. And peace. And bliss. In this escape I’ve created for myself, I’m hoping to rediscover myself.

Grace

June 17th, 2005 by christinaninyapidoops

Grazia is the Italian word for grace. Grace encompasses time. It makes a person beautiful. It’s what gives life meaning. It is one of God’s greatest expressions of love for us. It is but one of the multitude of ways that God loves us, and yet this singular gift is always enough.

I’ve been having this desire for this one pure and magnificent thing lately. I need it. I want it. I’ve got to have it. But then I realize that grace comes to us everyday.

What is required for grace to become alive in us is an emptying of one’s self. So that God may be able to do His work; for grace to be able to work its magic. The emptying part is difficult. It requires a redefining of values and attitudes. Things, people and ideas you’ve held dear for the past how many years that are preventing you from receiving grace must take a backseat. It requires grit and determination. It demands you to take a long hard look at the mirror and see you for who you are right at that very moment. Scars and all. Flaws and all. Hurt and all. Weaknesses and all. Ugliness and all. It asks of us to say I’m giving up God. You do your work.

But grace is so sweet that the sacrifice of having yourself remolded and remade by our Maker is worth it. The promises of God are too beautiful that one can’t help but say, alright God, although it scares the heck out of me, I trust you. You take hold of my life. Remake me my Maker. I’m yours.

For grace fills the empty vessel that I’ve become as I’ve emptied my life to Christ and His plans. Grace is able to heal when you’ve given up. Grace is alive when you trust God TRULY, ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY. Grace comes to fulfillment when you believe.

Grace makes things beautiful. Grace makes life beautiful. Grace makes you beautiful.

God is beautiful. He is my beauty and grace.